The Leisure Hive Part Four

The one where Pangol incites a second war between the Argolins and the Foamasi...

The episode durations for the first two stories of Season 18 are unusually short, but the reprises also feel tiresomely long. For this episode, it lasts almost two minutes, which is rather long for an episode lasting just 21 minutes 19 seconds. And when the reprise includes dead dialogue ("Is it something to do with the random field frame?") and various people leaving rooms at an orderly pace, it becomes very humdrum.

The reprise extends the Foamasi attack on Mr Brock though, to include the defrocking of creepy old Klout (a character with not a single thing to do or say throughout). The whole thing feels a bit like they're stripping Brock and Klout, until you see their face masks fall to the floor among their clothes. It's a mix of horror and unintentional comedy, topped off by the Foamasi official proclaiming: "Now that I have your attention..."

The way the Foamasi are presented in these latter two episodes is all wrong. After two episodes of building them up with glimpses and close-ups, director Lovett Bickford throws all that away by showing them as just men in funny suits. There's no attempt at alien movement or speech, only vague alien mannerisms when they're chittering. Confusingly, the Foamasi government agent steals Brock's voice synthesiser, which means he is now voiced by John Collin instead. And it's such a boringly urbane human voice, one that I do not believe is coming out of an alien lizard creature.

The way they walk is also comical. Already, they look funny because of the little paunch they all have, but they walk exactly like humans do, so when they walk across a room, or along a corridor, it's like they're off to the BBC canteen on a tea break. The brief shot of the two imprisoned Foamasi bumbling along a corridor swathed in cotton wool shrink wrap is beyond silly. At no point are the Foamasi convincing as alien creatures, and it's a major failing of the production as a whole.

I imagine the younger viewers really struggled with this story, not just because the promised monsters turn out not to be monstrous in the slightest, but also because the dialogue is so dry and factual. It's all well and good trying to make Doctor Who more scientific again, but you really are leaving the younger viewers behind when you pack it full of anti-baryon shields, tachyon generators, stabilising matrices, experiential grids and modified oscillators. No wonder viewership fell by almost 25% during The Leisure Hive's four-week run: nobody could understand what was going on, and fewer people were caring by the week.

It's interesting that the West Lodge's attempts to buy Argolis as a base to continue their criminal activities is completely incidental to Pangol's plans for world dominance. Pangol seems to have flipped, and is referring to himself in the plural as the child of the generator. "We, Pangol" he cries, as he grabs the sacred Helmet of Theron and vows to avenge the great warmonger by reigniting a conflict with the Foamasi. He heralds a New Argolis, but hasn't waited long enough for his predecessor to pop her last bead. Mena is hanging on by a thread, and it's heartening to see Hardin rush to her aid in the boardroom, cradling her in his arms gently and carrying her to the main hall to show her people that she is not yet dead.

Pangol thinks he's cloning an army of hims ("An army of Pangols!" as Lalla Ward struggles to say convincingly), but it's hard to take it all seriously when confronted with a bunch of marching warriors in yellow chiffon. What Pangol doesn't know is that the Doctor has wired the TARDIS's randomiser into the Generator, and instead of an army of Pangols, it's spewing out an army of Doctors (of differing heights and builds, mind you).

The climax comes all at once, with the clones disappearing, leaving just one "original" Doctor, who has returned to his rightful age. Angered, Pangol enters the Tachyon Generator with his "mother" Mena, and their DNA appears to melt into one, resulting in Mena rejuvenating and Pangol reverting back to a baby. It's all a bit Scooby-Doo "HUH??". Does this mean Mena is now part-clone, and Pangol part-Mena? And surely it doesn't solve the Argolins' main problem of sterility and an accelerated metabolism? Nobody is better off, except for Mena who looks radiant again, and can maybe get back to her blossoming romance with Hardin? She is also keen to maintain peace with the Foamasi ("You mentioned Foamasi?") and leads the chirrupy lizard ambassador away for further talks, leaving baby Pangol in the arms of Dr Who (an unexpectedly touching sight).

Nobody says thanks, nobody explains what happened, nobody says goodbye. The Doctor and Romana simply return to the TARDIS, which now has no randomiser fitted, because the Doctor's no longer bothered about the Black Guardian finding him (dismissing him as a "galactic hobo with ideas above his station"). By rights, the finale of Season 18 should have the Black Guardian returning to get his revenge, now that he's able to trace where the Doctor is. But we'd have to wait a little longer for that rematch.

The Leisure Hive is a shiny, glossy, colourful, stylish opening to Doctor Who's new era, but it's hardly the most exciting or interesting. Director Lovett Bickford pays too much attention to how things look, forgetting that it has to be pacey and engaging at the same time. It's essentially a lot of walking and talking in chiffon, and while the "monsters" show potential, their ultimate realisation is sadly mishandled. I hope Tom Baker can get back on form and inject some vigour, some proper Fourth Doctor, back into the role, because throughout this story, he's been disappointingly muted. Absent, even.

First broadcast: September 20th, 1980

Steve's Scoreboard
The Good: The depiction of "an army of Pangols" is cleverly attempted.
The Bad: The Foamasi look, sound and move like supporting actors in monster suits. There's no attempt to make them alien, or strange, or even reptilian/ insectoid in manner or speech. They're just men in shiny fabrics.
Overall score for episode: ★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆ (story average: 6.8 out of 10)

"Would you like a jelly baby?" tally: 24

NEXT TIME: Meglos...

My reviews of this story's other episodes: Part One; Part Two; Part Three

Find out birth/death dates, career information, and facts and trivia about this story's cast and crew at the Doctor Who Cast & Crew site: https://doctorwhocastandcrew.blogspot.com/2014/08/the-leisure-hive.html

The Leisure Hive is available on BBC DVD. Find it on Amazon - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Doctor-Who-Leisure-Hive-DVD/dp/B00022VMR6