The Armageddon Factor Part Six

The one where the quest for the Key to Time finally comes to a climax...

Drax reduces first the Doctor, then himself, to miniature proportions in some bizarrely misguided attempt to escape the Shadow's Mute, but actually makes the whole situation much worse because before he was miniaturised, the Doctor left the TARDIS door open. This means that they are now powerless to stop the Shadow waltzing into the TARDIS and snatching the five segments of the Key to Time for his boss, the Black Guardian. Well done, Drax.

Except the Mute is not the sharpest knife in the box and gets distracted by looking for the Doctor rather than taking some initiative and grabbing the Key. This is perfectly in keeping with the rest of the plot at this point, which has ground to a halt somewhat. The Doctor can't do anything because he's roughly the size of an inch; Romana can't do anything because she is the Shadow's prisoner; and the Marshal can't do anything because he's still stuck in a time loop. The only character who can do anything to move the plot on is the Shadow, who is now free to obtain the Key to Time and ultimately destroy the Universe.

The Armageddon Factor Part Five

The one where the Doctor bumps into an old school friend...

Astra is behaving very oddly. She's transfixed by the Key to Time, just standing staring at it as if it's the answer to life, the universe and everything (which it kind of is!). She speaks in a voice which screams "I am under the influence of an evil power", and the Doctor's already clocked the fact she's got a control device on her neck. So why oh why does he let Romana go off with Astra without telling her his suspicions? Surely that's a pretty reckless thing to do, to not tell your companion that they're walking off with the enemy. It's something the Seventh Doctor might do.

It seems the Doctor has more confidence in Romana than he should, telling the Shadow that she can look after herself, because she's a Time Lord. But that's not really the case, is it? Because Romana is actually a very inexperienced adventuress, someone who does not naturally gravitate toward violence or self-defence. So when she's faced with the muzzle of a gun, she doesn't try to escape, or charm her way out of the situation. She just gives in. And that means she ends up wracked with pain inside the Shadow's torture chamber, because Romana very rarely fights back. So Doctor, you were wrong: Romana cannot look after herself, and you were negligent in not telling her about Astra. Case closed.

The Armageddon Factor Part Four

The one where the Doctor stops the entire Universe...

So because Mentalis thinks it's already won the war between Zeos and Atrios, it's not bothered any more about self-preservation and is content to allow the Marshal to obliterate Zeos, and itself with it. What's the use of a war computer that just goes into hibernation after the war? It's not a very clever computer: it's good for just one thing, and then it's about as useful as a blunt cheese grater.

Even less clever is Mentalis activating its self-destruct mechanism, which means that despite having saved Zeos from the war with Atrios, it's doubly content to allow Zeos to go to Hell after the fact, it's job now done. It's happy to let the Marshal blow it to smithereens, and just as happy to blow it up itself when it self-destructs. Mentalis is bloody mental!

The Armageddon Factor Part Three

The one where the Doctor discovers there are no Zeons on Zeos...

Merak's a bit of a thicko, isn't he? He's supposed to be a highly intelligent and qualified surgeon, but he's written and played as if he's really dense. His whole existence seems consumed by the need to find his beloved Astra safe and well. Forget the fact he has loads of ill and dying patients to care for in his bombed out hospitals. Merak seems content to dedicate his life to walking around calling "Astra!", or asking stupid-ass questions like "What are bees?"

I got a personal pang of pleasure from seeing Romana set about him with her previously unseen self defence skills, because he really is such a wimp. And now he's joined the Doctor's gang on Zeos, along with the slightly less annoying Shapp, played by Davyd Harries as if he's in a children's play. Up to now, his presence has been largely forgettable, but now he has his own story strand (if that's what you can call it), he's let a tendency for silliness rise to the surface (perhaps influenced by Tom Baker?). The truth is, both Merak and Shapp are completely surplus to requirements, following the Doctor and Romana around like lost sheep. I'm hoping they're being set up as canon fodder, but somehow I doubt it.

The Armageddon Factor Part Two

The one where K-9 almost gets melted down for scrap...

This episode must have had the younger viewers anxiously biting their nails in fear that sweet little K-9 would be melted down as scrap metal in the Marshal's furnace. It is, admittedly, quite a nervous time for those with a fondness for the canine computer, watching him roll inexorably toward a fiery furnace (although we never see a single flame!). As he approaches the end of the line, K-9 sorrowfully has to close down and face his combustible demise. Luckily, the Doctor manages to rescue him in the nick of time, leaving K-9 barely singed (but a bit smoky!). He's a very hot dog.

All this jeopardy comes well over a year before the world saw C-3PO broken down for scrap and headed for the furnace in The Empire Strikes Back. As a child, I always found the dismemberment of C-3PO intensely upsetting, so I can only imagine how Doctor Who viewers felt about the prospect of losing their favourite comedy robot.

The Armageddon Factor Part One

The one where the TARDIS lands on a planet ravaged by nuclear war...

So, here we are: the Big Finale! The sixth and final adventure in Season 16's epic quest for the Key to Time, and this is also Doctor Who's 500th episode. That's nice serendipity, that the 500th episode falls within the same series as its 100th story (The Stones of Blood), topping off a season which began in Doctor Who's 15th year. So expectations are slightly raised, as there's a lot at stake.

The episode opens with some appalling CSO, some appalling acting and some appalling music, but it soon becomes clear - thank goodness - that this is all on purpose, as we're seeing footage of a TV programme on the planet of Atrios. It looks like a soap opera (it has a soapy score and corny dialogue), probably the Atrian equivalent of Crossroads. I'm not sure if the dialogue is intentionally funny, but it's certainly laced with double entendre: "There is a greater love. Men out there, young men, are dying for it!"