The Centre (The Web Planet Episode 6)

The one where we learn how to herd Zarbi...

Zaaaaaaaaaaaaar-bi! Zaaaaaaar-bi-bi-bi! Zaaaaaaar-beeeeeeeeee!

This is the sound of the Menoptera teasing and herding a Zarbi, using vocal commands and intonations which take your breath away. In what has to be one of the weirdest scenes ever in Doctor Who, we watch a bunch of furry giant wasps herd a giant monster ant around a smeary alien planet's surface, and it's all presented as if it's completely normal and everyday. Which maybe it used to be on Vortis, when the Menoptera herded Zarbi like cattle in their flower fields, but at 6pm on a Saturday evening in 1965? Bonkers!

Invasion (The Web Planet Episode 5)

The one where Barbara takes control of the Menoptera's plan...

No, not The Invasion, the eight-part Cyber-story from 1968. And no, not Invasion, the first ambiguously named episode of the 1974 six-parter involving dinosaurs. This is Invasion, episode 5 of The Web Planet, in which no invasion takes place!

However, episode 5 is the one where the beginning of the end is apparent, and there's some relief to be found in that thought. Barbara and Prapillus happen upon an abandoned Temple of Light, the beauty of which the ancient song-spinners of the Menoptera sang. Just this little glimmer of Menoptera ancestry and cultural history adds weight to these funny little furry wasps, but what's most astonishing is that Bill Strutton's suddenly very lyrical dialogue does not end there:

Crater of Needles (The Web Planet Episode 4)

The one where Ian goes underground and meets some grunting worms...

Is that really someone laughing hysterically that you can hear as this episode opens? It sounds like someone's just cracked The Funniest Joke Ever during the rockfall reprise. Whoever it is, their mirth has been captured for posterity on the soundtrack for Crater of Needles and it kind of sums up how most people watch this serial generally - in fits of laughter!

The beautifully named Crater of Needles sees us reunited with Barbara (or "Abara" as the Menoptera insist on calling her), who takes exception to having to cart a load of vegetable matter around. What they're being forced to do is feed vegetation into the acid streams which lead to the Carcinome and help to nourish the Animus, which in turn spreads its evil influence around Vortis. I like how writer Bill Strutton has made an analogy between the Animus and cancer, with the Carcinome growing like a tumour on the planet's surface and spreading its poison across Vortis. Battling the fungal infection are the airborne Menoptera and (very soon) the subterranean Optera, which could be analogies for radiation or chemotherapy and antibodies respectively.

Escape to Danger (The Web Planet Episode 3)

The one where we finally begin to find out what the heck is going on...

Fair's fair, I love the voice of the Animus. Catherine Fleming was a vocal coach who trained actors at RADA and the National Theatre, so her work here is predictably effective. Her hoarse but breathy voice is really quite unsettling and gives the idea of a great intelligence at work behind these crazy giant ants. In the 1970s, Fleming gave politician Margaret Thatcher vocal coaching to "reduce her annoying shrieking", and also help reinvent her as a strong and stable Conservative leader, and eventually Prime Minister. So we have the Animus to blame for Thatcher!

Escape to Danger is the strongest of the three episodes so far because we get to find out an awful lot about what's going on, rather than just watching a load of monster insects bump into each other. The Doctor communicates with the Animus via a drop-down hair-dryer (love the bit where Ian says he hopes the Doctor's asking where Barbara is. She's on holiday this week, that's where!), and the disembodied voice tells him that it wants the Doctor to help locate the swarming Menoptera in space as it says the giant wasps are planning to invade Vortis. It's a clever twist to paint the gentler creatures as the invaders, but as we'll find out, this isn't strictly true.

The Zarbi (The Web Planet Episode 2)

The one where Barbara is captured by a gang of wasps...

We rejoin our heroes' adventure on this most alien of alien worlds with the triple threat from the previous cliffhanger - the TARDIS (with Vicki inside) has been stolen, Ian has been caught up in a strange webby trap, and Barbara is walking headlong into a pool of acid. It's real comic strip fantasy adventure of the Terry Nation school of writing. Let's follow each threat in turn to its conclusion...

First up, the hypnotised Barbara. She narrowly avoids stepping into the acid pool thanks to a burbly signal from a stray Zarbi, but she soon finds her way into the lair of another race of creatures, the Menoptera. There's a startling shot when Barbara's wandering aimlessly toward the camera, and just as she walks past, a Menoptera jumps up right in front of the screen in possibly Doctor Who's first ever jump scare. It's a truly arresting sight because it's totally unexpected and then when you see what it is, your brain runs hard to catch up and process what you're seeing. The Menoptera are magnificently strange creatures, and although not quite as effective or convincing as the Zarbi, are beautifully designed by Daphne Dare. As with the Zarbi, they look precisely how you'd expect a giant wasp to look, but unfortunately a little comical with it (their sad expressions and big black eyes).

The Web Planet (Episode 1)

The one where the TARDIS console spins round like a top...

I'm convinced that absolutely nobody involved with The Web Planet knows what the heck is going on, and least of all those watching it. This six-part serial has a reputation for being one of Doctor Who's most difficult/ challenging stories across its entire history, and there are sound reasons for that reputation. It has to count as Doctor Who's strangest story ever.

Of all the episodes of Doctor Who so far, The Web Planet feels the most as if it was recorded live. It's not a shambles as such, but more half-formed, under-rehearsed, impalpable. I wouldn't be surprised if the truth was this episode was recorded in a rush with half as much prep and rehearsal time as usual, because it looks and feels that way.