The Creature from the Pit Part Four

The one where a giant egg weaves a metal shell around a neutron star...

It's all coming out now! Now that the Tythonian beast has got his little appendages on the weird shield thing, he's able to take control of the larynx of whoever holds it and communicate with everybody. The big green blob is actually named Erato, High Ambassador from the planet Tythonus, who came to Chloris 15 years ago to strike a trade deal. But instead of been welcomed with open arms by the people of Chloris, Erato was unlucky enough to bump into the self-serving Adrasta first, who tricked him into falling into the pit and skulking around in her spent metal mine.

It's all about economics and greed, you see. The Tythonians live on chlorophyll and mineral ores, but that's all running out on their planet, so when they heard there was a world virtually made of chlorophyll (the clue was in the name) they thought it would be a good idea to trade Tythonian metal for Chlorisian vegetable matter, so that the big blobs could eat well and the people of Chloris could use the metal to fight back the suffocating plant-life. But Adrasta, being owner of the only metal mine and most of the metal on Chloris, saw the trade mission as a threat to her wealth and supremacy, so chucked Erato into the pit and fed astrologers at him (great line from the Doctor, that!).

The Creature from the Pit Part Three

The one where the Doctor tries (and fails) to communicate with the creature...

The creature from the pit looks like a giant plastic carrier bag. There are actually endless amusing ways to describe what the creature prop looks like - many have done so, many more have yet to try - but what it essentially boils down to is that it looks absolutely appalling. It's one of the biggest design flops in Doctor Who history. It's not as if designers haven't managed to come up with similar monsters convincingly in the past (the Axons, Krynoid and Rutans spring to mind), but visual effects designer Mat Irvine really does drop the ball here, producing something that makes the programme a laughing stock.

Pity poor Tom Baker who has to spend half the episode in a one-way conversation with the thing. It's a testament to Baker's ability to hold a scene by sheer personality alone that he gets through it at all, but you can see him failing to suppress his mirth at one point. It's inadvisable that he should gently tap the creature's skin, as that merely emphasises the fact it's made of polythene. But it's absolutely the wrong choice to make when he lifts the creature's waggly appendage and blows into it. We're supposed to see the Doctor investigating whether it is a voicepipe, but what we actually see is Doctor Who wandering dangerously close to adult entertainment (a word I use loosely).

The Creature from the Pit Part Two

The one where the Doctor meets a subterranean astrologer...

Grappling onto the sides of The Pit's wall, the Doctor produces from his capacious pockets some rock-climbing pins and a hammer. Now, that's pretty silly isn't it, although certainly not unprecedented that the Doctor should be carrying something wildly appropriate (or inappropriate!) when required. But when he realises he's not altogether sure how to use the rock-climbing equipment, he produces from his pocket a book entitled Everest in Easy Stages. Now that's even sillier, bordering on ridiculous. But when he discovers the book's written in Tibetan, he then produces another book entitled Teach Yourself Tibetan, and that is just several steps too far! It's a great joke, very funny in fact, it's just that it doesn't really have a place here. It's more Basil Brush than Doctor Who (although telling the two apart sometimes is tricksy). This is not a sketch show, this is an adventure in time and space, so stop trying to look smart and get on with it.

Admonishment over. Moving on to Romana, she is the prisoner of the Lady Adrasta, a woman who knows her mind, is no fool, but is more than happy to talk about her problems and fill complete strangers in on the situation at hand. She answers almost every one of Romana's questions, but refuses to expand on why she's interested in the giant eggshell. "There are some questions, my dear, it is better not to ask."

The Creature from the Pit Part One

The one where the Doctor and K-9 are attacked by sentient vegetation...

The TARDIS spins through time and space. Well actually, it's spinning through a big cloud of soap suds, but we'll let that slide. Within the police box, we have to endure one of those ridiculous introductory scenes where Tom Baker gets to be childish and anarchic. This time he's found slumped on the TARDIS floor (the Fourth Doctor rarely uses chairs) with K-9 reading Beatrix Potter, while Romana is busy cleaning out the hold.

There are two observations to zone in on here. Firstly, that K-9's voice has changed, now provided by David Brierley and not John Leeson, which is a little jarring. It can be explained within the fiction by the fact K-9 had laryngitis at the start of the season, but Brierley's prim voice just seems wrong. There's nothing actually wrong with it, it's just that it's different, and as a result, not as good (rather like David Gooderson's Davros). The other observation is that Lalla Ward is wearing one of the most horrendous outfits I've ever seen come out of the TARDIS wardrobe (this is a wardrobe that also harboured the Sixth Doctor's coat). I just don't think it suits her at all, it's like a Victorian nightie, and then there's the awful headband and curtained hairstyle. I'm sure some people appreciate it, but it's far too Laura Ashley for me. Gillian Thomas's make-up for Ward is awful too. It looks like it's been applied by an eight-year-old girl experimenting on mummy for the first time. Yeuch!