The Krotons Episode One

The one where the TARDIS lands on a planet that smells of rotten eggs...

Oh no, not another futuristic sci-fi story with bland humanoids in rubbish costumes. I had quite enough of that with The Dominators, and right from the very first scene this is looking like it's going to be more of the same. OK, Bobi Bartlett's costumes could never be as downright awful as Martin Baugh's curtain skirt abominations, but these people look like a cross between Thals and Xerons, with a splash of Sensorite thrown in. And we all know that a splash of Sensorite is never a good thing...

The first scene made me instantly wary, compounded by the pretty poor standard of acting on display too, particularly from James Copeland's Selris (does every planet have a Scotland?) and, after meeting him later in the episode, James Cairncross's Beta. It's all so stagy and heightened, everyone is pronouncing and declaring rather than performing. The most natural performer is Philip Madoc, but he's kind of gone to the opposite end of the spectrum and seems like he's on Valium.

So the scene is set. These Gond people send their two most promising students to be companions of the Krotons, and nobody seems to mind that they're never seen again. Well, Thara seems to mind, but as this has been going on for thousands of years, he's pissing into the wind somewhat, I fear. Mind you, if I was a Kroton (which I'm not), I would probably choose Abu-Gond and Vana-Gond as my companions too, because they're rather attractive young devils.

The TARDIS materialises on location, a quarry which is doubling for the alien planet of the Gonds. Jamie claims it smells like "bad eggs", which the Doctor identifies as a mix of ozone and sulphur. This planet also has twin suns, so it's a good job the Doctor has brought along his favourite umbrella as a sunshade (quite why it's his favourite when it's the most boring umbrella ever is a mystery - thankfully it gets vaporised!). So far, so very like The Dominators this all is...

Our heroes happen across a city which we're meant to believe is in the distance but which, thanks to some ill-judged direction from David Maloney, actually looks like a really rubbish model placed at their feet. The city looks like a bunch of weird pebbles and is entirely unconvincing.

After witnessing the vaporisation of poor Abu-Gond, the Doctor decides they really ought to leave, and it's a real shame they don't just go back to the TARDIS and dematerialise because I think the next story is probably going to be better than this.

We soon learn that the Gonds have been sacrificing their two best students to the Krotons for thousands of years, which they see as an honour. The Krotons never leave their ship, and so nobody knows what they look like, but in all this time, the Gonds have made themselves subservient to these creatures because the last time they kicked up a fuss - when the Krotons first arrived - they were soundly defeated, with hundreds killed. What puzzles me is that when Selris tells the Doctor how all of this came about, the obvious alarm bells down't start to chime: "Silver men came out of the sky and built a house among us," he says, which to me sounds like the Cybermen are back already.

All Gond science, culture and knowledge comes from the teaching machines supplied by the Krotons, and the Doctor soon decides that all of this has to stop. After thousands of years he thinks he can turn up, assess the situation in a matter of minutes, and decide that the Gonds have got their entire civilisation all wrong and they need to change it. Talk about conceited! The Second Doctor does not usually make sweeping, all-consuming decisions like this, but I suppose it does work in light of the accusations his own people will level against him at the end of the season...

We don't see the Krotons in this episode, but we do see inside their ship, or at least we see a control panel and some dot-matrix scanner screens. We also hear a voice that may or may not be a Kroton, when the Gond rebels are smashing up the Hall of Learning. "STOP!" bellows the voice. "Thees eez a warning!" Doctor Who fans have learned that lots of planets have a north, and this planet seems to have a Scotland, so maybe every planet has a Pretoria too?

The cliffhanger sees a huge phallic proboscis snake its way out of the Krotons' ship and slink toward the Doctor, with Patrick Troughton falling over pathetically to enable it to loom right over him, and throwing in as many as ooohs and ohhhhs as he can to try and beef up the fear factor. It's a lamentably poor end to what has been a lamentably underwhelming and disappointing 25 minutes. I knew it wasn't going to be very good as soon as I saw those costumes...

First broadcast: December 28th, 1968

Steve's Scoreboard
The Good: The TARDIS materialisation scene is about the best thing in the episode, and even that's just a wide shot of a dank quarry.
The Bad: James Copeland's Selris is bad. Really bad.
Overall score for episode: ★★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆

NEXT TIME: Episode Two...

My reviews of this story's other episodes: Episode Two; Episode Three; Episode Four

Find out birth/death dates, career information, and facts and trivia about this story's cast and crew at the Doctor Who Cast & Crew site: http://doctorwhocastandcrew.blogspot.com/2014/03/the-krotons.html

The Krotons is available on BBC DVD. Find it on Amazon - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Doctor-Who-Krotons-Patrick-Troughton/dp/B007Z10GUG.