The Androids of Tara Part Three

The one where 'Romana' becomes a killing machine...

The only time you'll ever come across the word "suzerainty" is in The Androids of Tara. I had to look it up to make sure the android Romana didn't have a faulty speech circuit and meant to say "sovereignty" instead. She didn't, that is what David Fisher meant her to say, and as with countless other times through my life, Doctor Who has taught me something. I've learnt so much by watching Doctor Who over the years - the legend of King Arthur, Darwinism, music hall, Norse mythology, the list goes on - and this new word is just the latest lesson, and I love it! Isn't it magnificent that a television programme made over 40 years ago can still teach me something?

Anyway, so the Doctor's just smashed Romana/ Strella (delete as applicable) over the head with a sceptre, obviously suspicious that it's actually an android recognising Reynart's suzerainty over her, and not the real First Lady of Tara. It was quite the gamble, because while he was correct (it is an android), the evidence he based his assumption on was pretty vague: he heard a circuit spark! To be honest, that could've been a sparking circuit anywhere in the throne room, it could have been an android courtier, an android Grendel, even an android Archimandrite. So the Doctor was lucky that his hearing was on form otherwise he'd have just murdered a Taran noblewoman/ his own companion (delete as applicable).

The coronation is postponed in case there are any other androids milling about programmed to kill the king-in-waiting, and anyway Reynart needs a nap. Is there not some way of screening attendees to pick out who's an android and who's real? Just take a look at the back of their necks, or listen out for sparking circuits? On a world partly repopulated with androids, you'd think there would be a quick and easy way to recognise man from machine.

Back at Castle Gracht, Madame Lamia is fascinated by Romana's mysterious crystal (actually the fourth segment of the Key to Time), and she's broken two diamond cutters trying to scratch it. Romana's understandably keen to get it back, but it's at this point I realised that she's had what they came to Tara for since the start of this adventure. They could effectively up sticks and leave if they hadn't got embroiled in all this petty local politicking. I blame the wood beast. If that hadn't tried to maul Romana, Grendel would never have rescued her, and seen her remarkable resemblance to his prisoner Strella.

Meanwhile, the Doctor is back plotting with Zadek and Farrah, and claims that Grendel now has both Romana and Strella. Actually, there's no way he could know that for sure. It's likely, yes, but he can't know that's the case. Well, not until the Count's tubby peasant Till (played by Declan Mulholland, the Jabba the Hutt that never was) rolls up and offers a deal whereby Lamia hands Romana back in exchange for Grendel's freedom in exile. It's obviously a trap, but the Doctor has to go for it anyway, just in case he is able to rescue his friend. "They always want you to go alone when you're walking into a trap, have you noticed that?" he says.

Of course, Grendel and Lamia aren't going to hand over the real Romana at all, but instead plan to kill the Doctor using a deadly android double of the Time Lady. The android is identical to the real deal, apart from the fact it has a deadly laser built in. According to the Count, it is "the complete killing machine... as deadly as the plague"! A complete killing machine which dresses fabulously.

Lamia's tragically besotted with snarly old Grendel. It's hard to understand what she sees in him, he's hardly a looker. But love was never known for its rationality, and Lamia would rather be treated like dirt by Grendel and be at his side, than be rejected and apart from him. It's a classic case of emotional abuse, exemplified when Grendel appeals to his admirer by kissing her, just to keep her on side. All in all, he's a nasty piece of work. Romana tries to play on Lamia's devotion to Grendel, but to no avail. Lamia loves Grendel, and it doesn't matter what he says or does to her, her love will remain. It's tragically sad.

As is Lamia's unexpected demise, as she is cut down in the crossfire when Grendel's guards attack the Pavilion of the Summer Winds - location of the rendezvous between the Doctor and Lamia. Grendel at first expresses shock and anger at Lamia's death, but that lasts mere seconds, and all he has on his mind after that is revenge. At no point does he rush to Lamia's dying form to comfort her, and there is no mention of her afterwards. Lamia is dead, Grendel barely cares, but the viewer does, and that's the secret of great writing. I just wish the tragedy of her death could have been milked a little bit more by director Michael Hayes.

Romana, having escaped from her dungeon and stolen Grendel's steed (I love the way Mary Tamm assesses the horse, and it looks round at her as if to say: "Well, get on then!"), then manages to be in the right place at the right time to scoop up the Doctor as he flees from Grendel's poorly-aiming guards (they really couldn't hit a Taran door at five paces). "Everyone for himself, K-9!" yells the Doctor as he leaves his robot friend in the dust, but K-9 is more than capable of looking after himself, and rather mercilessly slices Grendel's men down with a swish of his laser. It's Doctor Who's equivalent of Mortal Kombat, almost.

The Doctor and Romana are reunited for the first time since she went off in search of the Key to Time and he went fishing in part 1, but they're not back together for long, because Grendel rocks up under a flag of truce claiming he'd like the Doctor to become Tara's next monarch. It's all bunkum and blarney though, just so he can get close enough to the android Reynart to hurl a spear through its chest and destroy it for good. He's a wily swine, is Grendel. And then he makes off with Romana as captive yet again. It's all rather tiresome, especially with Romana pathetically calling: "Stop! Let me go! Doctor, help me!" as the end credits crash in. Romana has been such a feeble damsel in distress in this story, and while I know David Fisher has written a Doctor Who version of your typical swashbuckling adventure here (in particular, Anthony Hope's The Prisoner of Zenda), it feels wrong to have the usually capable and intelligent companion reduced to such inadequacy.

First broadcast: December 9th, 1978

Steve's Scoreboard
The Good: Romana being resourceful enough to steal Lamia's screwdriver, pick the lock of her manacles, and then steal a horse to escape the apparently inescapable Castle Gracht.
The Bad: Romana being so defenselessly weak that Grendel captures her back again. Doh!
Overall score for episode: ★★★★★★★☆☆☆

"Would you like a jelly baby?" tally: 18

NEXT TIME: Part Four...

My reviews of this story's other episodes: Part One; Part Two; Part Four

Find out birth/death dates, career information, and facts and trivia about this story's cast and crew at the Doctor Who Cast & Crew site: https://doctorwhocastandcrew.blogspot.com/2014/08/the-androids-of-tara.html

The Androids of Tara is available on BBC DVD as part of the Key to Time box set. Find it on Amazon - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Doctor-Who-Key-Time-Re-issue/dp/B002TOKFNM