Planet of the Spiders Part Two

The one where the Doctor chases a man over land, air and sea...

Times really have changed, haven't they? These days, when it comes to a Doctor's last ever story, all the stops are pulled out to make it as memorable, emotional and headline-grabbingly special as possible (well, usually - that doesn't really apply to The Time of the Doctor). It's a big, important thing that the writer does not want to mess up. But with the classic series, Doctors' last adventures were a little hit-and-miss, and certainly not as heralded and well-sculpted as they would become.

And as a Doctor's final adventure, Planet of the Spiders has so far failed to impress on almost every level. Two episodes in - that's a third of the entire story - and nothing seems to be happening with any narrative urgency. The first half of part 2 bumbles along trying not to be noticed, while the second half goes all out to be as action-packed, but as mind-numbingly dull, as possible. As a whole, it's a mess.

Planet of the Spiders Part One

The one where the Doctor gets a present from South America...

The first few minutes of this episode consist of a series of quick cuts between different scenarios featuring Mike Yates and the Doctor, and don't appear to be related at all. In fact, the entire episode runs along on parallel storylines which don't have anything to do with each other until the very end, which is a clever little touch.

By far the least engaging storyline involves the Doctor, who goes to see a variety show at the theatre with the Brigadier. There's a lame comedian, then a belly-dancer who certainly grabs the Brig's attention, followed by one particular act that the Doctor is most keen to see - Professor Clegg's demonstration of extra-sensory perception.

The Monster of Peladon Part Six

The one where the Doctor uses Aggedor to save the day...

The monster of Peladon doesn't really feature very much in The Monster of Peladon, does it? I mean, if you take the monster to mean Aggedor, the real Aggedor only appears in two brief scenes in the entire story, while its "spirit" isn't Aggedor at all, but a statue. Of course, the real monster of Peladon was probably Ettis, seeing as he was much more bloodthirsty and crazed than Aggedor ever was.

The Doctor uses Eckersley's matter projector to project an image of Aggedor outside of the refinery so that the heat ray can destroy the encroaching Ice Warriors. Amusingly, as soon as he sees his two pals disintegrated by the heat ray, Sskel scarpers like a frightened rabbit!

The Monster of Peladon Part Five

The one where Eckersley is revealed as a traitor...

After the walloping Ettis gives the Doctor you'd expect him to have a few cuts and bruises, but the Time Lord comes out of it all remarkably well, just a bit shaken and dishevelled (I hate to see that lovely green combo dishevelled!). Sarah, watching from the comms room on a monitor, believes the Doctor to be dead, leading to Azaxyr's prescient line: "The death of the Doctor was an unfortunate necessity." Well, it wouldn't be shown for another 36 years yet, but Death of the Doctor wasn't that bad at all, Azaxyr...!

It's interesting that Sarah's first thought isn't for herself and how she is now stranded on Peladon without the Doctor or a means to operate the TARDIS. She mourns her friend, telling Thalira that "he was the most alive person I ever met". Just you wait until the next story, Sarah. Then you'll get a shock!

The Monster of Peladon Part Four

The one where the Ice Warriors declare martial law over Peladon...

It's so good to see the Ice Warriors back on the scene. This story has been terribly humdrum so far, and what it really needs is an injection of something Martian-shaped, and what better way to fill that hole by getting Alan Bennion, Sonny Caldinez and his cronies back? Last time writer Brian Hayles took us by surprise by having the Ice Warriors as good guys. This time the Martians arrive as a security detail sent by the Federation to sort out the in-fighting and get the miners back to work. Or so it seems at first...

Bennion has such a good voice and gives Commander Azaxyr as much scheming presence as his predecessors, Izlyr and Slaar. Azaxyr succeeds in summarising the situation perfectly, establishing that everybody's point of view seems to be opposed by another's: "You say that the miners have rebelled against their proper rulers. But Gebek here says that the nobles have cheated them of their rights. You say that the Doctor here is a spy and a saboteur. But the ambassador says that he is an old and valued friend. You say that your god appears to you because he is angry, but the Doctor here is sure that the appearances are caused by trickery." As the Doctor says: "An excellent summing-up."

The Monster of Peladon Part Three

The one where Sarah introduces Women's Lib to Peladon...

The part two cliffhanger involving the ferocious flesh-and-blood Aggedor is neatly wrapped up by an encore of Kokleda Partha Menin Klatch from the Doctor, who "lightly hypnotises" the creature with his TARDIS key. Aggedor is then not seen again for the rest of the episode, so that was all a waste of time wasn't it?

The Doctor and Sarah then go to have a chat with Queen Thalira (who, at her shrillest, sounds remarkably like Alpha Centauri), quaffing from cups made of horns and eating some mysterious green lumps. And is that the price tag I can see on the bottom of Sarah's cup? Astutely, the Doctor leaves Sarah in Thalira's company, presumably because he knows she might teach the Queen a thing or two about emancipation.

The Monster of Peladon Part Two

The one where the Doctor and Sarah are sacrificed to Aggedor...

It's only part two and already this serial is struggling to tell a compelling story. It's just so dull. Apart from it being terribly bland and brown to look at, the actual plot is paper thin, and realised with very little flair. As I watch, I can see that poor Jon Pertwee - just weeks away from the end of his tenure - seems bored to tears by it all, walking through it on autopilot and giving as much to it as he's getting out of it. He's a leading man with nothing to lead.

Elisabeth Sladen's Sarah remains as feisty as ever thankfully, refusing to trust anybody else to save the Doctor from the rockfall, and going into the tunnels alone to find him. Naturally, she gets lost, but happens across the trisilicate refinery, where she sees a shadowy figure moving behind the frosted glass. She's then assaulted by a psychedelic psychic alarm which renders her unconscious. Eckersley claims there's nobody inside the refinery, but notably doesn't go so far as to prove it by showing Sarah inside. The moving figure behind the glass is quite spooky, and about the only moment of intrigue in the entire episode.