The Time Monster Episode Three

The one where UNIT is attacked by a knight, Roundheads and a V1 bomb...

"I am Krasis," announces Krasis, "high priest of the Temple of Poseidon, in Atlantis!" I love the way he adds "in Atlantis" onto the end, just in case anybody thinks he means a different Temple of Poseidon. This is the man who the Master hopes will have all the secrets to harnessing the power of the crystal and controlling Kronos, but actually Krasis knows nothing. The knowledge has been lost in the mists of time, ironically. But thankfully, the seal of the high priest which Krasis wears around his neck holds the mathematical solution to the Master's problems, so it was worth it after all.

The Master quickly manages to summon Kronos, and it's when the terrifying Chronovore makes his grand appearance that things start to fall apart. Emerging first as a white dove in slow-mo flight, it manifests as a man-sized angel with a helmet. As a design, in and of itself, it's actually quite lovely, but then the decision is made to suspend Kronos actor Marc Boyle from Kirby wires and "fly" him around the room, squawking like a crow and crashing into the set like a drunken acrobat. It's awful, and thankfully director Paul Bernard saw fit to shoot Kronos either out of focus or in fleeting close-ups

Outside, the time distortions continue (I think the Doctor calls it a "hiatus in time", so something like the gap between Season 22 and Season 23), which inexplicably results in Stuart's ageing being totally reversed so that he reverts back to being 25 again. No explanation is given (the Doctor says he has "no time to explain now"), and nobody refers to it again. The most astonishing thing about these early scenes for me is the moment, before Stuart becomes 25 again, when Dr Ingram rather tactlessly tells him: "Try not to be too bitter, Stu." What?! He's been aged almost to death, Ruth, I think he's allowed to feel a little bit pissed off, don't you?

The episode degenerates from here really, harking back to the early days of Season 8 when the Master busied himself making great progress in his Machiavellian plotting while the Doctor frootled about umming and aahing. This time, while the Master perfects the art of controlling his pet Time-Eater (by shutting it in a side room), the Doctor builds a nonsense device out of wine bottles, car keys, corks and forks. The whole routine with the time flow analogue gadget is an utter waste of time, and stretches credulity until it snaps. How does it work? "The relationships between the different molecular bonds and the actual shapes form a crystalline structure of ratios," claims the Doctor.

Bollocks.

It's all in vain anyhow, as it blows up after a few seconds, achieving precisely nothing. It really is utter cobblers. Some people may think the Doctor building an impossible device out of bits and bobs in your average 1970s living room is perfect Doctorish behaviour, but it's the choice of bits and bobs which is ludicrous. The Doctor does a similar thing in Remembrance of the Daleks, but uses actual proper electrical items, not tea leaves!

The only good thing to come out of the whole silly mess is when the Doctor says "Oh dear, it doesn't work", and the Brigadier replies "You astound me", with Nicholas Courtney's ever-reliable comedy timing.

The Doctor shows absolutely no urgency in trying to find and stop the Master. He could have gone up to the lab to see him, talked to him, tried to find out his plan (he even admits he doesn't know what he's up to, although it's really quite clear what the Master's plan involves). He could have scuppered his TARDIS while he had a chance. But he does precisely nothing, except for balance a mug of tea leaves on top of a spinning bottle thing. Oh, it's annoying! The Master deserves to win.

Then there's the dreaded UNIT convoy which comes under attack from various assailants brought forward (not backward, as the Doctor says) through time, including a knight in armour on horseback ("The King Arthur bit"), several Roundheads ("17th century poltroons", according to the Master) with cannons and firearms, and finally a German doodlebug buzz-bomb, which seemingly blows Captain Yates and his inept men to smithereens. It all smacks very much of similar scenes in Battlefield, it has similar ingredients: the Doctor and Bessie, the Brigadier, a UNIT convoy under attack. But actually, Battlefield is better, which is not something often said.

The whole episode is a waste of time from start to finish. It might have an aesthetic value (explosions, gunfire, location filming, a flying angel thing) but it amounts to so little in the greater scheme of things. Either the Doctor needs to do something effective immediately, or the Master should just win and be done with it once and for all.

First broadcast: June 3rd, 1972

Steve's Scoreboard
The Good: I like how the scenes set in Atlantis are shot on film, giving them a distance and an otherness.
The Bad: The sight of Kronos smashing into the set, dangled from wires, is a Pertwee era low.
Overall score for episode: ★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

"Now listen to me" tally: 19
Neck-rub tally: 8

NEXT TIME: Episode Four...

My reviews of this story's other episodes: Episode One; Episode Two; Episode Four; Episode Five; Episode Six

Find out birth/death dates, career information, and facts and trivia about this story's cast and crew at the Doctor Who Cast & Crew site: http://doctorwhocastandcrew.blogspot.com/2014/05/the-time-monster.html

The Time Monster is available on BBC DVD as part of the Myths and Legends box set. Find it on Amazon - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Doctor-Who-Legends-Monster-Underworld/dp/B002SZQC98