The Feast of Steven (The Daleks' Master Plan Episode 7)

The one where the Doctor meets Bing Crosby...

Doctor Who's first ever Christmas episode was also its last for 40 years, but for one night only, at 6.35pm on Christmas Day 1965, Doctor Who was a part of the BBC's festive schedule. Viewers had already enjoyed Laurel and Hardy's Way Out West, a gala of free skating and interpretive dance from the Queen's Ice Club in London, Billy Smart's Circus, Disney Time, and the panto Mother Goose, featuring none other than Jon Pertwee! Doctor Who's opposition on ITV was an episode of Thunderbirds.

The episode itself is more like a side-step from the main story, as there are no Daleks and nothing happens which directly relates to the plot of The Daleks' Master Plan. It's more of a festive farce, but one definitely of two halves - the first half being much better than the second. It turns out that the poisonous atmosphere outside is just the everyday pollution of 1960s England (the North, to be precise!), so that was a bit of a cheat.

The first half of The Feast of Steven is an inconsequential runaround at a northern police station, where the TARDIS has landed. The local constabulary believe the police box has been sent to them to use, but when the Doctor pops out to try and fix the scanner eye, he is apprehended and questioned. To cut a laborious story short, Sara is also apprehended for loitering, and Steven dresses up as a policeman in order to rescue them.

The most interesting bit of these police station scenes (originally intended to be a crossover with Z Cars) is the character of Man in Mackintosh. This gentleman is making a complaint to the police about the fact "they" keep moving his greenhouse. When asked who "they" are, he blames "the revels". On the one hand it's easy to dismiss this character as a confused drunk, but what exactly is he talking about? What did writer Terry Nation intend him to be saying? There are a few interpretations of what the revels could be: there's the seasonal revels of the American stage, created in 1957 and featuring singing, dancing, recitals, theatrics and audience participation (a sort of Yankee pantomime); there's the Californian "surf music" band The Revels, who released their only album Revels on a Rampage in 1964; or there's revels as in royal festivities of the 14th century (ie, Master of the Revels). None of these options makes complete sense sadly.

Another little delight concerning Man in Mackintosh is the fact he's played by Reg Pritchard, and when the Doctor meets him, he thinks he recognises his face from a market place in Jaffa. It's Doctor Who's first up-front in-joke, as Pritchard played trader Ben Daheer in The Crusade earlier that year!

There's little else of note in these police station scenes, apart from Hartnell delivering the iconic line: "I am a citizen of the universe, and a gentleman to boot!", as well as Peter Purves adopting a spot-on northern accent, and the Doctor getting called "a nutter"! It's fun, but pointless.

In the TARDIS Sara (or "SAR-a" as Hartnell pronounces it at one point) claims to have forgotten all about the Daleks, so we're treated to a quick catch-up and summary of where we're at with the main story, before the TARDIS lands again and we're subjected to ten minutes of chaotic, cacophonous claptrap.

They've landed on a Hollywood film set in the early days of film, and our heroic trio gets mixed up with various productions being filmed, including a Keystone Cops car chase, and what is probably a Rudolph Valentino movie. There's also regular mentions of Charlie Chaplin, a run-in with a pre-fame Bing Crosby, a wildly OTT starlet called Blossom Lefevre, and the colourfully named filmmakers Steinberger P Green and Ingmar Knopf. It's a cavalcade of very rich characters and situations which was probably a lot more fun to watch than it is to listen to. As it is, the soundtrack degenerates into a din of screaming, screeching and shouting as various guest actors are given free reign over the size and volume of their performances, and writer Terry Nation forgets to put together any discernible plot. It's a mindless runaround for Christmas Day, done in the vein of a Keystone Cops or early Chaplin comedy. I'd love to see it, because I think I'd like it, but as it is, with just the soundtrack to assault my ears, it's pretty bloody awful.

Back in the TARDIS, we finish with the now legendary scene in which the Doctor wheels on some festive sherry and the three of them celebrate Christmas Day, along with all of us at home. The concept of Christmas doesn't seem to be a mystery to Steven or Sara, both of whom are from far into our future. It's good to know Christmas is still going as late as the year 4000!

The Feast of Steven is no great loss for having been wiped (it was erased as soon as August 1967), but I'm sure the episode would be better thought of if we could watch it. The slapstick of the Hollywood scenes is an inherently visual farce, and the police station scenes would probably look quite foggy and atmospheric, if nothing else. As it is, The Feast of Steven (which again, doesn't wholly make sense as a title beyond the obvious festive reference) is a very weak interval in what is otherwise a thoroughly exciting and epic adventure.

After Doctor Who finished, BBC viewers in 1965 could go on to watch Max Bygraves and the Black and White Minstrels, The Ken Dodd Show featuring Sandie Shaw, and Top of the Pops, featuring performances from the Beatles, Tom Jones, Elvis Presley, Sonny and Cher and, once again, Sandie Shaw. And in a beautiful coincidence which wraps everything up like a perfect little Christmas box, the big film of the day was Road to Bali, the 1952 comedy starring none other than... Bing Crosby!

First broadcast: December 25th, 1965

Steve's Scoreboard
The Good: I genuinely think that if we could watch this episode, it'd be quite good fun!
The Bad: It sounds awful. A cacophony, a din, a real racket.
Overall score for episode: ★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

NEXT TIME: Volcano...

My reviews of this story's other episodes: Mission to the Unknown (prelude); The Nightmare Begins (episode 1); Day of Armageddon (episode 2); Devil's Planet (episode 3); The Traitors (episode 4); Counter Plot (episode 5); Coronas of the Sun (episode 6); Volcano (episode 8); Golden Death (episode 9); Escape Switch (episode 10); The Abandoned Planet (episode 11); Destruction of Time (episode 12)

Find out birth/death dates, career information, and facts and trivia about this story's cast and crew at the Doctor Who Cast & Crew site: http://doctorwhocastandcrew.blogspot.co.uk/2013/09/mission-to-unknown-aka-dalek-cutaway.html

The soundtrack to The Daleks' Master Plan is available on CD. Find it on Amazon - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Doctor-Who-original-television-soundtrack/dp/0563494174