Planet of the Spiders Part Two

The one where the Doctor chases a man over land, air and sea...

Times really have changed, haven't they? These days, when it comes to a Doctor's last ever story, all the stops are pulled out to make it as memorable, emotional and headline-grabbingly special as possible (well, usually - that doesn't really apply to The Time of the Doctor). It's a big, important thing that the writer does not want to mess up. But with the classic series, Doctors' last adventures were a little hit-and-miss, and certainly not as heralded and well-sculpted as they would become.

And as a Doctor's final adventure, Planet of the Spiders has so far failed to impress on almost every level. Two episodes in - that's a third of the entire story - and nothing seems to be happening with any narrative urgency. The first half of part 2 bumbles along trying not to be noticed, while the second half goes all out to be as action-packed, but as mind-numbingly dull, as possible. As a whole, it's a mess.

Planet of the Spiders Part One

The one where the Doctor gets a present from South America...

The first few minutes of this episode consist of a series of quick cuts between different scenarios featuring Mike Yates and the Doctor, and don't appear to be related at all. In fact, the entire episode runs along on parallel storylines which don't have anything to do with each other until the very end, which is a clever little touch.

By far the least engaging storyline involves the Doctor, who goes to see a variety show at the theatre with the Brigadier. There's a lame comedian, then a belly-dancer who certainly grabs the Brig's attention, followed by one particular act that the Doctor is most keen to see - Professor Clegg's demonstration of extra-sensory perception.

The Monster of Peladon Part Six

The one where the Doctor uses Aggedor to save the day...

The monster of Peladon doesn't really feature very much in The Monster of Peladon, does it? I mean, if you take the monster to mean Aggedor, the real Aggedor only appears in two brief scenes in the entire story, while its "spirit" isn't Aggedor at all, but a statue. Of course, the real monster of Peladon was probably Ettis, seeing as he was much more bloodthirsty and crazed than Aggedor ever was.

The Doctor uses Eckersley's matter projector to project an image of Aggedor outside of the refinery so that the heat ray can destroy the encroaching Ice Warriors. Amusingly, as soon as he sees his two pals disintegrated by the heat ray, Sskel scarpers like a frightened rabbit!

The Monster of Peladon Part Five

The one where Eckersley is revealed as a traitor...

After the walloping Ettis gives the Doctor you'd expect him to have a few cuts and bruises, but the Time Lord comes out of it all remarkably well, just a bit shaken and dishevelled (I hate to see that lovely green combo dishevelled!). Sarah, watching from the comms room on a monitor, believes the Doctor to be dead, leading to Azaxyr's prescient line: "The death of the Doctor was an unfortunate necessity." Well, it wouldn't be shown for another 36 years yet, but Death of the Doctor wasn't that bad at all, Azaxyr...!

It's interesting that Sarah's first thought isn't for herself and how she is now stranded on Peladon without the Doctor or a means to operate the TARDIS. She mourns her friend, telling Thalira that "he was the most alive person I ever met". Just you wait until the next story, Sarah. Then you'll get a shock!

The Monster of Peladon Part Four

The one where the Ice Warriors declare martial law over Peladon...

It's so good to see the Ice Warriors back on the scene. This story has been terribly humdrum so far, and what it really needs is an injection of something Martian-shaped, and what better way to fill that hole by getting Alan Bennion, Sonny Caldinez and his cronies back? Last time writer Brian Hayles took us by surprise by having the Ice Warriors as good guys. This time the Martians arrive as a security detail sent by the Federation to sort out the in-fighting and get the miners back to work. Or so it seems at first...

Bennion has such a good voice and gives Commander Azaxyr as much scheming presence as his predecessors, Izlyr and Slaar. Azaxyr succeeds in summarising the situation perfectly, establishing that everybody's point of view seems to be opposed by another's: "You say that the miners have rebelled against their proper rulers. But Gebek here says that the nobles have cheated them of their rights. You say that the Doctor here is a spy and a saboteur. But the ambassador says that he is an old and valued friend. You say that your god appears to you because he is angry, but the Doctor here is sure that the appearances are caused by trickery." As the Doctor says: "An excellent summing-up."

The Monster of Peladon Part Three

The one where Sarah introduces Women's Lib to Peladon...

The part two cliffhanger involving the ferocious flesh-and-blood Aggedor is neatly wrapped up by an encore of Kokleda Partha Menin Klatch from the Doctor, who "lightly hypnotises" the creature with his TARDIS key. Aggedor is then not seen again for the rest of the episode, so that was all a waste of time wasn't it?

The Doctor and Sarah then go to have a chat with Queen Thalira (who, at her shrillest, sounds remarkably like Alpha Centauri), quaffing from cups made of horns and eating some mysterious green lumps. And is that the price tag I can see on the bottom of Sarah's cup? Astutely, the Doctor leaves Sarah in Thalira's company, presumably because he knows she might teach the Queen a thing or two about emancipation.

The Monster of Peladon Part Two

The one where the Doctor and Sarah are sacrificed to Aggedor...

It's only part two and already this serial is struggling to tell a compelling story. It's just so dull. Apart from it being terribly bland and brown to look at, the actual plot is paper thin, and realised with very little flair. As I watch, I can see that poor Jon Pertwee - just weeks away from the end of his tenure - seems bored to tears by it all, walking through it on autopilot and giving as much to it as he's getting out of it. He's a leading man with nothing to lead.

Elisabeth Sladen's Sarah remains as feisty as ever thankfully, refusing to trust anybody else to save the Doctor from the rockfall, and going into the tunnels alone to find him. Naturally, she gets lost, but happens across the trisilicate refinery, where she sees a shadowy figure moving behind the frosted glass. She's then assaulted by a psychedelic psychic alarm which renders her unconscious. Eckersley claims there's nobody inside the refinery, but notably doesn't go so far as to prove it by showing Sarah inside. The moving figure behind the glass is quite spooky, and about the only moment of intrigue in the entire episode.

The Monster of Peladon Part One

The one where the Doctor returns to Peladon 50 years later...

It's a bit short-sighted of the production team to take us back to Peladon so soon after our trip to Exxilon, because the aesthetic and design of the two planets is too similar. Basically, rocks and caves! I also have to ask myself whether we need a return to Peladon, although seeing as the first story was so good, I'll wait and see what Brian Hayles comes up with this time. His scripts have certainly improved in leaps and bounds since his first effort with The Celestial Toymaker.

The spirit of Aggedor - the big cuddly rhino-bear thing that everybody worshipped in The Curse of Peladon - seems to be killing scantily-clad middle-aged men with haircuts like badger hides. The badger wigs of the Pel miners is a major misstep which renders these characters utterly redundant when it comes to serious drama. They look silly, it's unavoidable. I can accept and turn a blind eye to rubbish dinosaurs, or wobbly sets, but when it comes to ridiculous wig choices, it's hard to take anything they're saying seriously.

Death to the Daleks Part Four

The one where the universe loses its 700th wonder...

"What is it?" asks Bellal, quite rightly. "It's another test, I think," replies the Doctor, before he starts to scan the "ornamental floor" with his sonic screwdriver. Of course, it's a "deadly floor", capable of pumping 7,000 volts into anybody who crosses it, but luckily the Doctor works out that it can be crossed safely by playing Venusian hopscotch (but regular hopscotch will do!). If only we'd had an inkling of what this danger was at the end of last week's episode, we might have felt more bothered. It was done so much better when script editor Terrance Dicks pinched this idea for The Five Doctors nine years later...

The city is basically made up of a series of Escape Rooms, which the Doctor and Bellal have to solve and survive as they move closer to the heart/ brain of the structure. The next room pits Bellal against the Doctor in an attempt to turn them against one another, but thankfully the Doctor overcomes the city's control over his Exxilon pal, again by using his sonic screwdriver. When the Doctor asks Bellal if he's ready to go on, the little fella says: "No. But we must?", and my heart weeps a tiny bit.

Death to the Daleks Part Three

The one where the Daleks have a bit of root trouble...

The screaming hosepipe thing has a pot shot at Dr Who, and the screeching noise it makes as it swoops in is ear-shreddingly loud. For saying it's literally a big tumble dryer pipe suspended from wire, the root creature is a pretty formidable adversary, and it makes short work of the Dalek, administering its deadly "sting" several times. The Doctor describes the root as an "underground support system for the city", but does he mean the roots are literally supporting the fabric of the building, or that they "support" the city's defense system by acting as "guards"? Bellal clarifies all this a bit more when he explains that his ancestors built their cities rooted into the ground, and which drained electrical energy from the air (hence the power drain).

The Exxilons are an interesting race, the victims of their own technological advancement. They are an ancient race which "solved the mysteries of science" and conquered space travel long before most other civilisations were out of bed. They travelled the galaxies as the "supreme beings of the universe", even apparently visiting Earth to help the Incas build their temples in Peru (which was good of them).

Death to the Daleks Part Two

The one where the Daleks develop a new kind of weapon...

"Total extermination!" barks the Dalek. "Fire! Fire! Fire!" And everybody just stands still and awaits their fate with remarkably calm resignation. Nobody bolts, nobody runs, nothing. What a bunch of wimps (including Dr Who!). However, the squelchy noise the Dalek gunsticks make when they fire means something is amiss, and we soon learn that their weapons are just as powerless as the TARDIS.

With the Daleks disarmed (in more ways than one), the usual rules of the game are cast aside, and the two groups agree to team up until the power drain can be reversed. For all his formulaic trappings, writer Terry Nation has come up with a corking new twist by having the two great enemies - the Doctor and the Daleks - join sides for once, and it's fascinating watching it pan out.

Death to the Daleks Part One

The one where the TARDIS loses all its power...

There's quite a brief but brutal opening, in which a running man is shot in the belly by an arrow and tumbles into a lake to his death. It rather spoils the mysterious build-up that writer Terry Nation crafts throughout the rest of the episode, and I think it would have been much better to open with the second scene, with the Doctor spinning his parasol and crooning Oh I Do Like to Be Beside the Seaside. And from there, an inexorable descent into fear...

I have such nostalgic feelings about Death to the Daleks. It was one of the handful of stories I had in omnibus form on VHS in the 1980s, and I absolutely adored this story, perhaps more so than other tapes I had, like The Robots of Death and The Time Warrior. I mean, it had Daleks in it, and I was only 11 years old, so that kind of swung it for me! But I must try and put my warm thoughts aside to review the story episodically, critically, to see whether I still feel the same way.

Invasion of the Dinosaurs Part Six

The one where the Brigadier meets a triceratops on the London Underground...

Doctor Who really shouldn't have attempted a dinosaur fight on the budget it had in 1974. It's easy enough for Malcolm Hulke to write "the T Rex and the brontosaurus fight", but it's not so easy for director Paddy Russell and producer Barry Letts to make that happen convincingly on screen, certainly not with the dinosaur models being used. It was Hulke (and script editor Terrance Dicks') responsibility to dial that back, but they didn't, so what we're left with is two inflexible giant lizards appearing to nuzzle each other gently.

While the Doctor tries to avoid the ferocious dino-wrestling outside, Sarah is locked up in a storage room, where she's reassured by Butler that she will be going with them on their crazy voyage back to the "golden age". But why do the bad guys insist on keeping Sarah around? She's clearly a disruptive influence, and it would be much easier to dispose of her to enable them to get on with their dastardly plot. Luckily for Sarah, she's been locked in a room with one of those handy ventilation shafts. You know the type, the ones you never see in real life but seem to be commonplace in the Doctor Who universe. Always big enough for a human to crawl through.

Invasion of the Dinosaurs Part Five

The one where Sarah discovers she's not on a spaceship at all...

It's interesting, isn't it, that after all these years of the cosy "UNIT family" investigating and battling alien invasions alongside the Doctor, when it boils down to it, the only person he seems able to trust is good old Sergeant Benton. Captain Yates is exposed as a traitor at the start of the episode, and the Doctor doesn't really know if he can trust the Brigadier any more either ("What about the Brigadier?" says Benton. "What indeed?" wonders the Doctor). Maybe if Corporal Bell was still around she'd be the Doctor's ally.

But it is heartwarming that it's trusty Benton who stays loyal to the Doctor, sending the other men away so that he and the Doctor can talk properly, and then encouraging him to use his "Venusian oojah" to render him unconscious to stage an escape. Benton was the most loyal friend of all the Doctor's UNIT colleagues, so it's a shame he never got to be reunited with him after his final appearance in The Android Invasion. I rather think John Levene would've loved that.

Invasion of the Dinosaurs Part Four

The one where the Doctor discovers, then loses, a secret underground bunker...

The Doctor seems to do a lot, but achieve very little, in this episode. Armed with his new mobile time displacement detector, he hops into his "new car", which has to be one of the most ridiculous things ever to appear in the programme. Never explicitly named on screen, but known off-screen as both the Alien and the Whomobile, this UFO-inspired vehicle comes out of absolutely nowhere, for no reason. It would be a fabulous merchandising opportunity for the show, but as a piece of hardware, it's just ridiculous. It smacks of Jon Pertwee wanting to be James Bond, and although 007's famous Lotus Esprit was a few years away yet, it's from the same ideas bank as all those other TV show toys that hit the market in the 1970s, like Scooby Doo's Mystery Machine and the Six Million Dollar Man's Bionic Mission Vehicle.

The Whomobile was only ever seen in a couple of episodes of Season 11, but also featured in the 2013 comic strip In with the Tide. I'm very glad it didn't hang about once Tom Baker came along, it's just really tacky and gimmicky.

Invasion of the Dinosaurs Part Three

The one where Sarah discovers there's another traitor in their midst...

Captain Yates - the man directly responsible for rendering the Doctor's stun gun inoperable and endangering his life - leaps to the rescue, partially through natural military heroism, but probably much more through guilt. When he reports back to his new superiors at Operation Golden Age, he stresses just how upset he is that the Doctor was almost killed due to the sabotaging of the stun gun, but come on Mike... it's completely your fault! When Mike suggests to Butler and Whitaker that perhaps they should let the Doctor in on their plans as he might be sympathetic to them, that's when you realise Mike is somewhat out of his depth with these guys. Whatever Operation Golden Age's full intentions are, Mike seems naively unaware of just how far they're willing to go to achieve them...

And anyway, as if the Doctor would even contemplate the sanity of Operation Golden Age. It's transporting rampaging killer monsters millions of years through time to central London, for heaven's sake! That's just not sane, in anybody's book.

Invasion of the Dinosaurs Part Two

The one where we discover one of the Doctor's allies is betraying him...

Most people criticise the dinosaur models in this story for the way they look, and their lack of movement, but I think far sillier is the way they sound. The T Rex is actually saying the word "RAAAAARRRR", like it's really a terribly cultured and refined dinosaur merely pretending to be a carnivorous monster from the dawn of time. It's a bit like how children might play at dinosaurs in the playground!

Everything looks different in colour. Everything looks like low budget Doctor Who again, rather than the glorious grainy "found footage" monochrome film look of part 1 that made it feel like a lost home movie from the 1930s. I miss the eerieness of the black and white part 1!

Invasion (of the Dinosaurs) Part One

The one where the Doctor and Sarah arrive in a deserted London...

Before we start, I'm making it clear that I watched the black and white version of this episode, as I find the colour-recovered version rather sub-standard. Also, this absolutely marvellous episode looks and feels so much better in monochrome, and I'm sort of glad the colour master tape is lost as watching it in black and white makes it more powerful, in my opinion.

From the moment the episode begins, you can tell this is going to be something a bit different, a bit special. The shots of the empty streets of London - the wet Thames embankment, the deserted Trafalgar Square - are really eerie and atmospheric, helped enormously by Dudley Simpson's mournful music. We continue to see shots of abandoned cars, stray dogs and derelict houses, but the key absence is people. There's not a single human being to be seen. These scenes are fantastic - among the best ever shot for classic Doctor Who - and instantly give the story a post-apocalyptic feel reminiscent of (although presaging) programmes like Survivors and Threads.